The Day After The Wedding
THE DAY AFTER THE WEDDING………
Your wedding apparel is neatly hung away. The gifts from all of your friends and family are stacked in a corner awaiting a place in your home or the nearest return counter. Gone are the days of a bare hand and in its place a ring that symbolizes eternity. Rejoice you have joined the world’s oldest club in the history of man. Now are the days of wedding bliss. Get ready for long walks on the beach and happily ever after!
Some people get married to show others that they are living a fairy tale. How has the most complex union between two people devolved into a children’s book? As the rights and ideas of many LGBT couples expand, the idea of marriage has become a reality. How can we from the LGBT community avoid the pitfalls of being in love with the wedding day and not in love with the partners we choose? Could you be walking into an unsustainable marriage due to your own ego?
Men and women want to marry for many different reasons; stability, love, sex, image, greed, passion, your biological clock, friends and family. However, most couples would agree, the central reason for marriage is the love between two people. When the overwhelming need to acquire that fantasy wedding takes over and the importance of love and sacrifice are taken for granted then the union becomes diminished. The wedding day should not be a means to an end but a means to a beginning. I have witnessed many couples go into early debt and overlook serious flaws within their relationships just to carry out the theater of a wedding.
Some couples even ignore warnings from family, friends and elders. They continue this charade in spite of their own inner voice. They believe a wedding will make them and their union whole.
The power of ego is not just a hit song from Beyonce but a flaw we all deal with on a continual basis. According to Eckhart Tolle, "If you have a strong ego [and] something good happens to an acquaintance of yours, [it] makes you feel bad. It's called envy. ... The ego thinks something has been taken away from you because somebody else has received something good. It's a complete illusion, but that's the madness of the ego." Sometimes we as human begins believe we have something to prove due to insecurities and losses we have experienced in our pasts. We set up illusions within our life to prove to others that we are whole. These illusions do nothing but cause heart ache and setbacks.
As a challenge to any engaged couple I ask, if you were a month away from the wedding and knew in your heart of hearts your partner wasn’t ready, would you continue on in spite of the warning signs?
Putting your union first above the pomp and circumstance should be the number one goal. Love is selfless and patient, watered right and it can grow into something meaningful. Let the days after your wedding define the success of your union. In all, let your wedding anniversary(s) mean more than your wedding day.
I want to know what you think, so hit me up, let's discuss.
Life and love can be a trip so keep your head up.
Michael Drain is an Author and the Writer Director of the musical My Revival and My Revival 2 Wanda’s Return.